Essay 29 - The Problem of Identity Regression

You might ask indignantly – “How can I not know who I am?” Or “How can I be other than who I think that I am?” After all, if you are not who you think you are then who are you? It gets complicated. But identities are cultivated like meaning and sometimes the process goes awry.

For example, parents instill values and a world view in their children. Most of the time that works fine. Sometimes it doesn’t. And all possibilities in between. Actors, musicians, artists, and comedians often live with the disapproval of their parents. Others achieve their parental approval but never achieve their dreams or fail to exploit their creative potential. Many people fail to thrive because they are doing something or being somebody that they don’t like or are not good at.

As you get older and start spending time with your friends, new social pressures arise. As much as people will say they just want you to be yourself, what they really want is for you to be the person that they want you to be. Let’s say you’re a sloppy dresser but are more comfortable that way. They may tease you about it attempting to get you to polish up a bit. Perhaps you like to spend time alone while your friends like having you around. They are likely to put pressure on you to hang out more with them. You can probably think of lots of examples like this on your own.

And it isn’t just parents and friends. It is also your co-workers, teachers, and mentors. They are not bad people. In fact, they are probably very fine people. But they don’t experience your world through your identity. They experience their world through their identity. And they want what they think is best for you. But ‘best for you’ is determined by what makes them feel best which may not actually be right for you.

This essay is 329 words long and the audio is just over 2 1/2 minutes.